the scary thing is, i woke up today and i finally saw me through your eyes. and it dawned on me: i can't pretend anymore. i can't hide under itchy wool that swallows my skin. i cannot cower into the greedy hollows of my mind or fade between the creases in my calloused palms.
because when i woke up, that's all i saw. i saw a girl collect her purple bruises, midnight shadows she carries beneath her foggy blue eyes. i saw her swing her toes, ankles, knees, thighs over the side of a swollen bed. the toes she wishes were less ordinary and more ballerina. the ankles that hold thin skin and thick regrets. the knees she does not trust and the thighs
we grew up watching the sunset
crawl over our backs like spiders
invade damp bedclothes in dusty
rooms.
we began speaking, singing the
songs of wallflowers in morning
rain while the blue ink swelled
from our wrists. the effects of
homemade tattoos made from
cheap pens and sticky fingers.
we smelled of history textbooks,
science experiments and barely
sharpened pencils. we were the
echoes of school bells, wedding
bells and sleigh bells. we were
echoes.
we spent hours lying on rooftops,
smoking cigarettes and calling to
the ocean through seashells. we
spent too much money on records
we couldn't play and far too much
time pi
i'm one of those girls.
the ones that sip tea like vodka
the ones who tie bows around their ribs
to keep out strangers
the ones that spill onto pavement,
pooling around parked cars
and resting gulls
the ones that turn off the lights
to see their skin turn from
pale to bleached
the ones that wear dresses
only within the four walls of their bedroom
the ones that like the feeling
of chapped lips in november
the ones that would dye their hair
red, brick red, to match old apartment buildings
that hold character and charm
the ones that sit in trees, legs crossed
telling stories, or rather waiting
for their story to be told.
whisper
into every bone
of parasol oak trees
her name, her smile
in case she forgets
tremble with the
scraped floorboards
because she's too lost
to shiver too
sing with frosted lips
to the window panes
and stars will sing too
soft for words
jump the fence with
broken records and
a bottle of wine
designed to loosen your heart
escape hallucinations
through piano keys
reciting loved skin
because angels paint reality
braid her spine
with pretty dotted i's
and crossed t's
when no one is watching
you know, I used to be a real nice guy called Ted. yeah, I'd walk the streets and fill in the blanks. I'd be that guy. you know. that one you always depended on. the one whose secrets were yours and you were his (secrets).
yeah, well, Ted was really great.
what you didn't know about him was that he was also a mass murderer. he took lungs from people's chests and ran away with them. serially.
yeah. I know.
and when he did it, he'd just he'd just laugh at them, too. they'd be floundering like a man in spacesuit, sans the suit. and he'd laugh.
you know?
you know.
the blood would be on his hands for months afterwards. he was hamlet,
plant some more when I'm gone by HelzCullen, literature
Literature
plant some more when I'm gone
he brought home six pot plants
and said,
these plants will last me
till I die.
I smiled and said,
that's nice, dear.
(just chores, honey.)
he put up a flag
that the world was afraid of.
it's the sunrise's defence,
he said, but I didn't understand.
he was a loved lecturer and yet
he vowed never to lecture me.
did he keep his promise?
oh, someone tell me: did he keep his
promise?
and he said, with this job, he might
outlive all you men with buttoned hearts.
he spent his money
on baby bio and fertiliser.
the earth doesn't matter,
an actress was caught smirking.
he was furious.
the earth is where we all go when we die;
of
We're two sick patients in
the psychiatric ward, matching
fevers to our palms
and sewing
pills to our stomach's
lining
We're the pair along
the bathroom wall, waiting
for the blood to thicken
and the heart to begin
to swell-
exposed
It's not
morning time
in the morgue,
but I hear they
take the young
and the
restless
It's not
mourning time
in the morgue,
but you've
already forgotten
what it means to
grieve
Between the gurneys and
medicals bills, are the
stories we tell at
night, the tributes to the
poor boy who fell down
the well, with eyes sealed
shut
He used to tell us
to be careful of
love, as it is
like
come on & break my legs.
don't fall again;
I've fallen asleep this time.
(she
is
inexplicable.
and there's a
full stop! after her name.)
this is how we sleep speak now.
but no, you don't know what coal eyes
feels like.
-when you get down to
it, you hate me and
all that I stand
for, but that's okay.
trees sometimes wave(,)
right?, while the
left becomes steadily
worse & the head says,
"I'll take it from
here, thanks."-
go on
&
do it.
(okay is the worst kind of lie)
I wear striped socks.
I listen to Lostprophets.
I sometimes wear a black tie with tiny little sculls on it.
I read books.
I'm not too pretty.
I eat chocolate when I'm depressed.
I sometimes feel as though
The only right thing to do
Is to crawl up inside of me and die
With Tori Amos in the background.
Am I Emo enough for you?
You wear everything striped lately.
You lined up your soul in black and white.
You hate pink.
You say that you hate it when people label you.
Then maybe you should quit labelling yourself?
Maybe you should stop looking down on girls because they wear pink.
Maybe they're being themselves
Don't fall asleep, darling don't or
She'll wake up inside you
Tear you down she has claws
That rip through your soul
And make you bend your heart
Lay still, be silent little one
As she comes crawling in
Over your tongue and down,
Down she will go dear
And with her she'll take you